


Can I Swim in Your Divine?

by KomaruNaegi



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Gen, Group Therapy, Idolization, Mental Institutions, Mentions of self-harm, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Virtual Reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-28
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2019-04-14 02:22:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14126046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KomaruNaegi/pseuds/KomaruNaegi
Summary: Major NDRV3 Spoilers.Yonaga Angie wakes up from the 53rd killing game. Without a God to guide her, she turns to a brown-haired girl with scarlet eyes.





	Can I Swim in Your Divine?

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [comfort](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13365876) by [maincharacter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/maincharacter/pseuds/maincharacter). 



> Thanks to [cheinsaw](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheinsaw/pseuds/cheinsaw) for betaing!

Her gaze remains on the “astronaut” with an impatient intensity. She watches as his chest rises and falls, the only sign he shows of possible life. Wires are hooked up to him and she can’t be bothered to ask what they’re for, all she cares about is the fact that he could possibly wake up at any moment.

The “detective,” perhaps the only other who understands his worth at the same level she does, kneels at the pod, his face hovering mere inches from the blue-tinted glass. He places his hand up against it, feeling it with his palm. He closes his eyes as if in silent prayer, barely holding onto hope as it slips from his fingertips. His face reddens, and Akamatsu puts a reassuring hand on his back. Thank God for her, Harukawa thinks, because she doesn’t think she’d be able to handle seeing him cry. Turned away from the pod, he chokes up a sob. Akamatsu walks him out of the room.

“Nnnnaa!” Yumeno yells, her fists bawled. She stares down Angie’s pod, a straight line marking her usual cheery face.

“Calm down, Yumeno-san, I’m sure she’ll wake up soon...” Chabashira muses, putting her hands on the faux-magician’s tensed shoulders. Yumeno breathes heavily, biting down on her lip as she does, nearly making it bleed.

By chance, Harukawa turns on her heel, walking over the some ten feet to the white-haired girl’s pod. She feels nothing towards her, and doubts she ever will. She’s nothing but a stranger. Her red eyes peer down towards Angie’s closed eyelids, blinking once, slowly.

The girl below her then stirs, turquoise eyes meeting red ones.

“She’s awake,” Harukawa asserts.

Quickly, the room is seized by hospital workers, and the girls, Angie excluded, are ushered out of it. They sit together, Yumeno holding her hand tightly in Chabashira’s. Harukawa takes a quick glance at the gesture, and then turns her gaze to the floor. She finds herself slightly envious of it, but says nothing.

After about a half hour, a nurse walks in, heels clicking. “You can go see her now, girls. In fact, it’s probably for the best...”

Yumeno practically sprints at the notion, Chabashira tailing her. Harukawa follows them a few paces behind.

When they enter, Angie’s sitting, the cheap and thin blue of the hospital blanket enveloping her.

“Angie!” Yumeno all but shouts, running at the sight of her white hair in her vision. She kneels down beside her pod, taking the girl in her arms, embracing her in a tight, almost-suffocating hug.

“W-Who are you? How do you know Angie’s name? What happened to Angie?” the once-artist all but pleads, squirming in Yumeno’s grip.

Yumeno lightens her grip, facing Angie, holding her with her arms on her back. “You... You don’t remember me...? I’m Himiko, Himiko Yumeno... your best friend...” Yumeno mutters, looking Angie in the eyes.

Chabashira puts a hand on the redhead’s shoulder. “It took Tenko a few hours to remember everything. You should give her some time.”

“But...” Yumeno murmurs, letting go of Angie, who rewraps herself in the blanket. “But you remembered me the second you woke up...”

“She was hit in the head. It’s not unlikely that her memories are worse off than the rest of us,” Harukawa says, looking Yumeno in the eyes. Angie then turns toward her.

“Your eyes are so pretty and red!” Angie compliments, fawning over them for a moment.

“Um, thanks...” Harukawa comments, looking aside out of embarrassment.

“It’s okay that you don’t remember us right now, Angie-san,” Tenko starts, taking hold of the conversation. “Tenko’s name is Tenko Chabashira! This is Himiko Yumeno,” she gestures to the smaller girl beside her, “and that’s Maki Harukawa.”

“Tenko... Himiko... Maki...” Angie says, each name tentative, as if testing them to assure their reality. “Um.... Do any of you know what happened to Angie? Was she really hit in the head?”

“Uh, ah, well...” Chabashira trips over her words, her fingers fighting against each other.

Harukawa draws a breath.

“You were chosen out of thousands of auditions to participate in a mutual killing game. You were given the talent of ‘Super High School Level Artist,’ and trapped in a school with fifteen others, which included me, Chabashira, and Yumeno. The only way to leave was to be murdered by another student and not be found out.”

“Murder?” Angie asks, looking to the three. Harukawa nods.

“That’s no good, that’s no good...” Angie relents, looking to the blanket that covers her. “Did... did Angie kill someone?”

“No. But you did get killed.”

“But, but...”

“Virtual reality,” Harukawa explains, “that’s how they’ve gotten away with it. For the last twenty or so seasons, they’ve been taking the lives of real people, and putting them in this game... Even if they don’t really die, they change the people they accept, and they give them trauma that not even an infinite amount of time could heal.”

“Oh,” Angie says, so softly that it comes out as a whisper. She shrinks into the pod, shaking as she does.

“D-Don’t worry! ‘Cause God’s with ya, right?” Yumeno pleads, folding her hands together the way Angie had in the past.

“Who?” Angie asks, blinking.

* * *

The three are escorted out of the room soon after, the nurse advising Angie to sleep. She does so, a line marking her face, one that the other girls have never seen. Yumeno breaks the silence.

“S-She doesn’t remember God...”

“It’s okay. Some of our memories are fake, Yumeno-san,” Tenko assures her. “Neo-Aikido isn’t a real thing.”

“B-But... God was like... The one thing that kept Angie goin’...”

“Ten-I’m sure Angie-san will find other things. She might remember her God later. Maybe she’ll still be able to make beautiful paintings. Maybe she’ll be even happier in the end. After all, she’s got you, and I, and Harukawa-san, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah...” Yumeno answers.

“So... even though it’s really sad, we gotta show Angie-san we’re here for her. That we always will be. Even when we get out of here and live our own lives, we’ll always be with her.”

“Hmph,” Harukawa mutters under her breath.

* * *

At 8:55 P.M., Harukawa Maki brushes her teeth.

Her eyes are circled in darkness as she looks at herself, feeling no emotions come to her. She only blinks and breathes, thoughts fogged, and she rinses, and spits out the toothpaste, wiping her mouth with a washcloth, and then wringing it out. She returns to her room three minutes later.

She’s putting plaid red and black pajama bottoms on when she hears a knock on the door.

“It’s open,” she mutters, even though she hasn’t had a locked door in weeks. One of the nurses makes her way in.

“Harukawa-san, how are you?”

“Fine.”

“Well, that’s good!” she smiles. Her Team Danganronpa badge feels like a slap in the face.

“Anyway, Angie-san is going to share the room with you,” the nurse explains, gesturing towards the bed near the window.

“Tonight?” Harukawa asks.

“No, no, tomorrow. She’s going to sleep alone for the night.”

“On the couch?”

“No, unfortunately... She’s refusing to come out of her pod. She wouldn’t even eat anything.”

“It makes sense. I wouldn’t want to eat anything here either.”

The nurse sighs. “I know the food here isn’t too appetizing, but it will keep you healthy.”

Harukawa feels sick, but says nothing.

“Well, it’s bedtime, but I’m sure you know that. Lights out! Sleep well Harukawa-san!” she chirps, waving as she closes the door.

Harukawa gets in her bed, the sheets paper stiff, and takes a drink of the water bottle on her bedside table. She stares at the ceiling fan, watching the blades, motionless.

She asked if she could have glow-in-the-dark stars. They gave her a nightlight that broke in three days.

She hasn’t bothered to ask for a replacement.

* * *

She wakes up feeling more tired than before. Lazily rolling over, she checks the time, reading the numbers sideways.

It’s 6:07 A.M. Breakfast isn’t until 7:30. She knows all too well that she probably isn’t going to fall back asleep.

She puts some socks on (fuzzy ones, with cats on them), and leaves the room.

To her surprise, the breakfast room isn’t empty. Toujou is there, washing dishes.

“You... You don’t have to do that.”

“Ah, Harukawa-san. Good morning,” Toujou replies, not taking her eyes off the plate she’s cleaning. She lacks the gloves she had in the game, and her hands are red and scratched from being washed too much.

“Do you do this every morning?”

“Yes. It reminds me of being in the killing game, but... it makes me feel useful.”

Harukawa doesn’t question her further. She goes to the cupboard and grabs one of the plastic cups - probably from a local restaurant, dish washed so much so that the graphic barely remains. She’d prefer coffee, but they deem it unsafe at the hospital due to its caffeine. She’s not awake enough to make tea (they’d probably not let her without supervision, anyway) so she goes for apple juice. She sits at the table and yawns. Toujou covers her mouth with her sleeve as she does the same.

At the end of the table is a stack of purple sheets - previously eight, but now nine, since Angie’s awake. She takes them and leafs through them, finding the one with her name on it. She then takes a pen from the cluster next to it.

_How do you feel on a scale of 1 to 10? (10 being the best.)_

She writes a four.

_What’s making you feel this way?_

Poor sleep.

_Write down one goal you have for today._

Keep my composure.

_Have you taken your medication today?_

She writes yes, knowing she’ll take it at breakfast.

_What would you like to work on in group today?_

She pauses for a moment. She’d like to feel better, surely, but the therapists would deem that “too weak” of an answer. They want something specific.

_“Hey! Harukawa! Open up!”_

_She ignores it. She’s better off alone, and she knows it._

_“Come on! I know you’re in there! It’s me, Momota Kaito!”_

_Like that’s any reassurance. From what she can tell, he’s just some passing idiot._

_“I’m not gonna kill you, I swear! So please, come on out!”_

_Setting aside the possibility of ignoring him, she opens the door._

_“What do you want.”_

_“Aw, hey, no need to be so cold!”_

_“Like it matters. I told you already, it’s best to stay away from me.”_

_“Sheltering yourself like that ain’t good. Communication is the most important thing when it comes to astronauts.”_

_“Well, that’s your job, isn’t it?”_

_“Look- I’m inviting you out to training with Shuuichi and I. You wanna come?”_

_“No,” she says bluntly._

_“It’ll do you good! Come on!”_

_“I said no.”_

_“Agh, then fine!”_

_He takes her by the hand._

_“H-Hey! I said no!”_

_“It’ll be fun, just relax! You’re under the Luminary of the Stars now!”_

_Against her will, she’s taken to somewhere better, sheltered by the stars._

She smiles at the memory, and writes “Angie” on the paper.

* * *

Minutes feel like decades, but they do pass. She’s made it a habit not to look at the clock, as it only reminds her of the time she’s spent here.

The “early risers” start filing in for breakfast as Toujou sets out plates. Saihara, Akamatsu, and Chabashira.

Chabashira fills out her sheet quickly. “Good morning, Akamatsu-san, Saihara-kun, Harukawa-san, Toujou-san!”

She nods at all of them, shaking Saihara’s hand. She does that every morning- “male-bonding exercises” she calls them.

Saihara and Akamatsu converse as Harukawa goes to the fridge. She gets bread, pausing.

She grabs a cookie, then heads to the pantry for cereal.

“I heard Angie-san woke up,” Saihara mumbles from across the table.

“Ohh, I heard that too! Is she doing okay?” Akamatsu chirps.

“I don’t know...” Tenko says solemnly. “Yumeno-san, Harukawa-san, and Tenk-I went to see her yesterday. She seemed rather frightened...”

“I do not remember Yonaga-san being frightened during the events of the game, though she did live longer than I did,” Toujou adds. She begins making eggs as two nurses come in.

“Go on, Angie-san,” the one male says, parting the way between them. She holds a stuffed bear (thankfully not a Monokuma) in her arms, hugging it tight.

“U-Uhm...”

“Hey,” Harukawa says, gesturing towards her. She blinks, and points to herself. Harukawa affirms her guess with a nod.

“Does... Does Maki want something?”

“You can sit next to me.”

“Huh? Is that true?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, thank you, thank you!” Angie squeaks, taking the bear and holding it in one hand, embracing Harukawa from behind in the other.

Harukawa shakes under her as Angie takes a seat.

“Make sure Angie-san gets a sheet, okay?” the male nurse says, walking out. The female one is with him - the one from last night. She’s on breakfast duty sometimes. Harukawa’s certain it’s some days of the week, but she hasn’t bothered to check what day it is.

She gives her sheet a check. It’s a Wednesday.

“What is this?” Angie says, looking at the sheet curiously.

“Daily check in! We do it each morning to check your progress,” the nurse explains. Akamatsu slides a pen her way.

Harukawa looks over her shoulder as she writes. Angie looks at her nervously, and Harukawa goes back to her food, but not before she notes that Angie’s mood is noted as a two.

“Does Angie take medication?”

“We’ll be prescribing some for you within the next week. For now, just put not applicable.”

“Not... applicable?”

“Just put no,” the nurse huffs.

Maki slides her a cookie.

She can read the “thanks” in Angie’s eyes.

The others arrive one by one, and everyone shares their sheets. Ouma takes particularly long, rambling on about how he thinks his discharge date should be sooner.

Harukawa thinks it’s better off as it is.

“So, Angie... how are you feeling?” the nurse smiles to her, popping a cornmuffin in her mouth.

“Alone.”

“You’re surrounded by your friends though, aren’t you?”

At the question, Yumeno shifts her eyes. Angie turns her head.

“Angie doesn’t know most of these people.”

“Oh! Well, that’s quite alright,” the nurse says, clapping her hands. “Memories can sometimes take up to two weeks to return.”

“He’s gone,” Angie relents.

“Hmm? Who is ‘he?’”

“God... Angie can’t hear anything.”

“H-Huh?” Yumeno stammers, fists on the table. She gets a scolding from the nurse.

“Angie... Angie’s head is blank. She remembers hearing the whispers of God, but... They’re all gone.”

“Ohh. That’s a shame.”

Harukawa can tell the nurse isn’t really sad. She’s faking it.

“W-Where is he? A-A-Angie was his most faithful follower...”

Her face flushes, and her eyes water.

“Where... where is God...”

She lets out a whine, her composure faltering. And then, a teardrop hits her paper.

“We can talk about this in group, Angie. It’s best if you finish your breakfast.”

She pushes a half-bitten cookie and rice aside.

“A-Angie can’t eat. She’s full.”

“Are you sure about that, sweetie?”

“Yes.”

* * *

Group therapy is the usual. Today it’s some shit about potatoes. They each get a note card with one way to cook potatoes on it, and then the therapist reads passages about each of them. Then they switch their cards based on the ones they most identify with, and then she says something about how all the ways are good ways to cook potatoes, and all are necessary.

Harukawa rolls her eyes.

Angie sits next to her again, giving her those watery blue eyes.

“Maki, which potato did you choose?”

“Mashed.”

“Angie chose a french fry. She feels... fake. Fake, and empty...”

“I feel that a lot too.”

* * *

Harukawa doesn’t see Angie until bedtime. Her pajamas are the same as hers, only that it’s yellow plaid instead of red.

Apparently, they used to have ties on the bottoms, but now it’s just elastic. She wonders why that is.

Maybe someone used it to self-harm. She’s heard all kinds of weird stories about self-harm here. Apparently someone even drank nail polish remover. Gross.

“Hey, Maki,” Angie says, looking to the ceiling.

“What?”

“Why are you so nice to Angie?”

“Huh?”

“Maki gave Angie a cookie... Angie barely ate it, but... and Maki sat next to Angie... Why did she do that?”

Harukawa looks to the ceiling too.

“You could call it kindness, I guess. I’m just helping someone the way they helped me in the past.”

“Oh... Maybe Maki’s my guardian angel?”

“Far from it,” Harukawa scoffs. “I’m more like a demon.”

“Angie doesn’t think so.”

Harukawa rolls over, and doesn’t say another word.

* * *

The next morning, Angie follows her out to breakfast. Harukawa gives her another cookie.

Suddenly, Akamatsu rushes in. Toujou stops setting down plates.

“Momota-kun’s woken up.”

“What?” Harukawa asks.

Saihara puts a hand over his mouth as his eyes gloss over.

Harukawa dashes out the room, followed by a “detective” and a pair of eyes.

* * *

“Momota!” Harukawa all but yells, running faster than she’s ever run in her life. She finds her eyes watering as well.

The “astronaut” stretches in his pod, pulling his arms up over his head.

“ _Gaaah_.... Harumaki? Shuuichi...?”

Shuuichi all but falls over him, crying into his chest. Momota ruffles his hair.

“Relax, alright...? I uh, don’t remember everything, but... Didja make it?”

“Harukawa-san, Yumeno-san, and I did.”

“Huh? What about Shirogane and Kiibo?”

“Shirogane.... Shirogane-san betrayed us. And Kiibo-kun destroyed the school.”

“Man, that’s hardcore.”

Saihara nods. “Still... I’m glad to have you back.”

“Me too buddy, me too.”

* * *

Break follows breakfast that day. Angie pulls on one of Harukawa’s pigtails.

“Harumaki, who is he?”

“Don’t call me that,” Harukawa mutters, giving her a look.

“But he called you that... You were crying over him... Is he God?”

“He’s a friend of mine. He... did a lot to help me.”

“Oh,” Angie says. “Angie wants friends too...”

Harukawa looks to the distance, where Momota, Saihara, and Akamatsu are playing Mario Kart.

“You can be mine if you want.”

Angie all but beams.

* * *

The next few days pass by relatively normally. Momota somehow gets better at Mario Kart, Akamatsu plays the grand piano in the common room, Toujou cleans, and Yumeno finishes another giant tub of animal crackers.

Harukawa spots Angie at the breakfast table, colored pencils scartered and askew. She picks up a red one.

“What’re you drawing?”

“Angie’s trying to draw a rose,” she answers. She turns the paper upside down, and sticks out her tongue, “but it’s hard when God’s not giving you any instructions.”

“You’ll get it somehow,” Harukawa says.

“Say, does Harumaki like roses?” she asks, bringing her face away from the drawing.

“I-I told you not to call me that.”

“Angie thinks it fits. Winter is slow sometimes, but... Spring follows it up, right? Harumaki is like spring.”

“Whatever... roses are okay I guess.”

“Does Harumaki have a favorite flower?”

She abandons hope of getting her to stop with the nickname.

“I guess I like lilies,” Harukawa murmurs, tucking a stray hair behind her ear.

“Then Angie will draw a lily next! Just for Harumaki!”

“If that’ll make you feel better...” Harukawa says.

“It will.”

* * *

Harukawa goes to her room that night to find paper flowers taped on the walls.

“Ah, Harumaki! How is Angie’s garden?”

Harukawa takes in just how many flowers she’s drawn. There’s a whole array of them - a bouquet of lilies above her headboard.

“It’s... pretty.”

“Good, good!” she chirps, turning to the windowsill. A tin rests on it - a Prismacolor box. Inside is a stone - rose quartz, a few red colored strips of paper, a very small and over-creased paper airplane with Yumeno’s name on it, and a red, unlit candle.

Harukawa wonders where she got all of that stuff.

“What’s that?” she asks, nearing towards it as to further observe it.

“It’s my shrine.”

“Did you find God?” Harukawa asks, almost shocked.

“It’s my Harumaki shrine!”

“Your... Your what?”

“It’s because Harumaki’s been so kind to me! So this is all for her!”

“...Get rid of it.”

“Huh? Why?”

Harukawa sits down on her bed.

“Look. What I’m being towards you is just... Like, a half step up from basic human decency. You don’t worship real people. It’s just... rude.”

“Oh, Angie didn’t know.”

“It’s alright, just... Don’t do it again.”

“Mmm.”

She puts the lid on the box, sliding it under her bed.

“This is the first time someone’s... Someone’s...”

“Someone’s?”

“Someone’s valued me so highly. I’m not that important.”

“Angie thinks you’re an angel!”

“That again?” she asks, laying against the bed. Angie hops over to sit next to her.

“Yup. Angie’s okay if Harumaki’s here.”

“You’re weird.”

“Angie’s okay with that!”

Silence lulls between them, the diluted feeling of the day washing over them. Angie slides her hand to her left, tickling the fingers of Harukawa’s hand.

And Harukawa holds her hand tight.

**Author's Note:**

> If you read this all (or even clicked it and scrolled down this far) then thank you very much!
> 
> This originally was called “Red-Weathered Angel” but after hearing this line from [Turn The Lights Down Low](https://youtu.be/5-xVwxqjNyI) I was like “ooooohh this is Angie” and I chose it.
> 
> I didn’t write saimota as promised B) but I do have some on the way! I have about 3k of a fic written, and it’s still got a lot left to go. Hopefully it’ll be done by May!
> 
> Feel free to point out typos/things you liked/things you disliked/whatever! Have a great day!


End file.
